Feeling Stuck? These Thinking Patterns May Be Part of the Problem
What if the reason you feel stuck, overwhelmed, or “not enough”… isn’t your life, but the way your mind is interpreting it?
By the end of this article, you’ll understand how your thought patterns shape your emotions and actions—and how to start shifting them. Because without this awareness, it’s easy to stay caught in cycles of anxiety, burnout, and self-doubt without ever really knowing why.
The Invisible Step That Changes Everything
Most people believe their emotions are caused directly by what happens in their life.
It makes sense, right? Something stressful happens… and you feel anxious.
Something disappointing happens… and you feel sad.
But there’s actually a step in the middle that often goes unnoticed, and it changes everything.
What most people think is happening:
Situation → Emotion → Action
What’s actually happening:
Situation → Thought → Emotion → Action
That middle step, your thoughts, is where your interpretation, meaning-making, and internal dialogue live.
This is why two people can experience the exact same situation and walk away feeling completely different. And it’s also why you might find yourself wondering:
Why did I react like that?
Why do I always feel this way in situations like this?
This doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. In fact, your brain is doing exactly what it’s designed to do—quickly interpret situations to keep you safe.
But sometimes, those interpretations become automatic patterns…
and over time, they can start to shape how you feel, how you act, and how you experience your life.
A Simple Way to Understand What’s Happening (CBT Basics)
In cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), we use something called the cognitive triangle. It’s a simple way of understanding that our thoughts, emotions, and actions are all connected, and constantly influencing each other.
It’s not just what happens to you, it’s how your mind interprets what happens.
When we don’t recognize the role our thoughts are playing, it can leave us feeling confused, reactive, or even powerless in our own lives.
You might notice:
-feeling anxious, frustrated, or shut down in certain moments
-reacting in ways you don’t fully understand
-or getting stuck in patterns that don’t feel aligned with who you want to be
This is why learning to notice your thoughts, and the patterns they follow, is so important.
Your Brain Isn’t the Problem
Before we go any further, it’s important to say this clearly:
Unhelpful thought patterns are not “bad.”
Your brain is a meaning-making machine. It’s constantly scanning for what might be safe or unsafe, helpful or harmful.
And as humans, we’re wired with something called a negativity bias.
This means our brains are more likely to focus on what could go wrong than what’s going right. This has helped us survive as a species.
But in today’s world, this same system can sometimes work against us, causing us to overinterpret situations as negative or threatening, even when there may be other ways to understand them.
So if your mind tends to jump to worst-case scenarios, overanalyze interactions, or focus on what’s not enough… you’re not broken.
Your brain is doing its job.
It just might be using patterns that are no longer serving you.
Common Thinking Patterns That Keep You Stuck
Here are some of the most common thought patterns I see with clients:
Negative Filtering
Focusing primarily on the negative parts of a situation, while overlooking neutral or positive aspects.
This can lead to low mood, self-doubt, and a more critical view of yourself and your life.
Personalization
Taking things personally or as a reflection of who you are, even when they may not be about you.
This can increase anxiety, shame, and a sense of inadequacy.
Mind Reading
Assuming you know what others are thinking or feeling—and reacting based on that assumption.
This often leads to misunderstandings, anxiety, and people-pleasing.
Catastrophizing
Jumping to the worst-case scenario automatically.
This can fuel anxiety, perfectionism, and a fear of failure that keeps you stuck.
Black-and-White Thinking
Seeing things in extremes—either all good or all bad, success or failure.
This can create pressure, rigidity, and make it hard to take small, meaningful steps forward.
Shoulding
Using “should,” “have to,” or “supposed to” in ways that override your actual needs.
This often leads to burnout, resentment, and disconnection from yourself.
What This Actually Looks Like in Real Life
Here are a few examples of how these patterns can show up:
Situation: I haven’t responded to my friend’s text
Thought: Ugh, I’m so bad at responding. She’s probably annoyed. I’m such a bad friend. (negative filtering)
Emotion: Anxiety, guilt, shame
Action: Continue avoiding responding
Situation: I RSVP’d to a social event tonight, but I’m exhausted
Thought: I am so tired. I really want to stay home and rest, but I already said I would go… so I guess I should. (shoulding)
Emotion: Guilt, obligation, fatigue
Action: You go, but feel disconnected from yourself and your needs—maybe even a bit resentful
Situation: You want to change your routine
Thought: I want to work out more, but I don’t have time to spend an hour at the gym every day… so I guess I can’t. (black-and-white thinking)
Emotion: Anxiety, guilt, stuck-ness
Action: You don’t change anything, and then blame yourself for being “unhealthy”
When you start to see these patterns, things often begin to click.
It’s not just the situation, it’s the meaning your mind is making of the situation.
A Small but Powerful Shift
Here’s an important reminder:
Just because you think something… doesn’t mean it’s true.
Your thoughts are interpretations, not facts.
And once you begin to question them, even slightly, you create space for something different.
The Goal Isn’t to Get Rid of Your Thoughts
If you’ve ever tried to “stop overthinking,” you’ve probably noticed—it doesn’t really work.
That’s because the goal isn’t to eliminate thoughts.
The goal is to change your relationship to them.
In the field, this is called cognitive flexibility.
The ability to notice your thoughts and gently shift them into something more helpful and supportive.
This is what allows you to:
-respond instead of react
-feel less stuck in mental loops
-and move through your life with more clarity and choice
Simple Tools to Start Shifting Your Thoughts
You don’t need to overhaul your entire mindset. Small shifts can make a meaningful difference.
Here are a few tools to explore:
1. Cognitive Reframing
Ask yourself: “Is there another way to see this?”
This isn’t about forcing positivity, it’s about expanding your perspective.
You might:
view setbacks as learning opportunities
acknowledge small wins alongside disappointments
notice words like “always” or “never” and look for the grey areas
2. Thought Defusion (Creating Space)
Try adding: “I’m noticing the thought that…”
For example:
“I’m noticing the thought that I’m going to fail.”
“I’m noticing the thought that everyone will be upset with me.”
This helps you step back from the thought, instead of getting pulled into it.
3. Thought Anchors / Supportive Statements
Ask yourself: What do I want to come back to? What actually matters here?
Choose statements that feel believable and grounding, like:
“I am safe enough right now.”
“This is hard, and I can move through it.”
“I don’t have to figure everything out at once.”
“I can take this one step at a time.”
“My thoughts are not commands.”
You don’t need to use all of these at once.
Start with one that feels most natural and accessible.
Bringing It All Together
If you take one thing from this, let it be this:
You are not broken.
You are patterned.
Your thoughts have been shaped over time—often in ways that were once protective or helpful.
But now, they may be keeping you stuck in cycles of anxiety, burnout, or self-doubt.
The first step is simply noticing.
And from there, small, intentional shifts can begin to change how you feel, how you respond, and how you experience your life.
What to Do Next
Now that you can start to see your thought patterns, you might notice them everywhere.
And while awareness is a powerful first step… it’s often not enough on its own to create lasting change.
Because once you recognize thoughts like:
“I’m not doing enough”
“This is going to go badly”
“I should be handling this better”
the next question becomes: “What do I actually do with this?”
This is where many people get stuck.
Not because they lack insight, but because they don’t yet have the tools to work with their thoughts in a way that feels supportive and sustainable.
If this is where you are, the next step is learning how to actually work with your thoughts in real time.
In my post, Thought Work 101, I walk you through practical, approachable tools to help you:
challenge and reframe unhelpful thoughts
create space from mental spirals
and begin building a more supportive internal dialogue
Because the goal isn’t to control every thought you have.
It’s to build a relationship with your mind that actually supports you.
